


I don't love you anymore (except I do)

by CallaMyosotis



Series: Forward is the only way to go [2]
Category: Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Aftermath of RHatO #25, And adult me is lazy, And weirdly nostalgic, Because I'm not the only one pissed about that rooftop scene, Because teenage me was weird, F/M, Female Jason Todd, I almost forgot to tag this a fem!Jay, Language, Mention of abuse, Mentioned Bruce Wayne, Post-Red Hood and the Outlaws #25, She's still called Jaslyn, always a girl jason todd, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26618476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallaMyosotis/pseuds/CallaMyosotis
Summary: And how could he break my heart if I didn't even have itBecause even when I took all my things and leftI left it with you?Or: Jaslyn hasn't seen Roy in what felt like forever - of course that still wasn't long enough if you asked her (except it really was too long). This - beaten up and bloody from a confrontation with the man who called himself her father - was not how she imagined their reuinion - not that she thought about it. Ever (except for all the time).
Relationships: Roy Harper/Jason Todd
Series: Forward is the only way to go [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1905283
Comments: 6
Kudos: 92





	I don't love you anymore (except I do)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again!
> 
> I finally managed to sit down and edit this enough to put it out there. Reading the first part of this series isn't really required, this should make perfect sense on its own (or as much as with the other work, at least).
> 
> I'm not really happy with this little one shot but I already went over it and -  
> There isn't really an and. I already went over it and at this point this is as good as it will get. I wrote this a few years ago and I kind of like it in a nostalgic way but I'm not happy with the... all of this.
> 
> A bit of context that will help you make sense of this: Roy and Jaslyn used to be a thing, but they broke up months ago. Roy still showed up to save her from Bruce after the rooftop beating of RHatO #25 and brought her to one of his safe houses and here they are.
> 
> The reason they broke up is kind (read: really) stupid and I can't remember if teenage!me genuinelly thought it was a good reason or just couldn't think of anything better and said 'good enough'. As it is, adult!me actually couldn't think of anything better and definitely said 'good enough' and here we are.
> 
> So, all of that being said: A big thank you ti everyone of commented on the first installment of this series or left kudos there! That was my biggest motivation for actually getting up after doing class work and sitting down to finish this.
> 
> I hope you enjoy! If there is anything you like/dislike/think should be different/want to discuss/etc. don't be shy and leave a comment!

Everything hurt and Jaslyn was about three seconds away from going back to Gotham and getting killed trying to shoot Bruce in his fucking thick head. She hadn’t even killed Cobblepot – though heaven knows that animal would have deserved it – fuck, she hadn’t even _tried_. And Bruce – Bruce had –

Jaslyn wanted to hurt something. Someone. Preferably Bruce. Or Joker. Joker was always a good second choice when you needed to get rid of built up aggression. A wonder that Bruce hadn’t thought about it when he was pissed about Selina leaving him, but no. _Everyone deserves a second chance_. And apparently, that _thing_ that had _killed her for fuck’s sake_ deserved a few hundred while Jaslyn was beaten to a pulp after fucking up again. Fuck that. Fuck Bruce. Fuck the Bats and Brats collectively for not giving a flying fuck about their collective father ripping into her worse than Willis had ever tried. Hell, fuck even Alfred for doing nothing and standing by while Bruce smashed her helmet in – y’know, the thing that was supposed to protect her head, a body part you usually needed intact in order to survive. Which was pounding in a way that Jaslyn, even when taking der lack of medical education into consideration, knew could only interpreted as _bad_.

Jaslyn’s thoughts came to a sudden halt when she was dropped – albeit very carefully, but still kind of dropped – onto a beat up couch and a scream almost ripped its way out of her throat when her shattered ribs where jostled, being aborted last second and turning into a pathetic half-sob.

“Sorry. Sorry. Here you go.”

Jaslyn looked up at Roy while he pushed a softer cushion behind her back, and seeing him again also hurt worse than it had any right to. Their eyes met and Jaslyn hastily looked away before she could forget that they actually weren’t a thing anymore – hadn’t been for quite some time. She should probably thank him, though. For getting her out and then again for not just dropping her off somewhere and getting the hell out of there before Batman could get his grubby little hands on him for stealing his prey away.  
“Your couch is shit, Harper.” Close enough.

It at least earned her a quiet chuckle and a lopsided grin. That kind of wavers and hardens into a grim expression when Roy sat down next to her and carefully took her chin in his hand to turn her head a little and get a better look at the damage the Bat had done. Jaslyn didn’t exactly have time to look in a mirror up until now, but she guessed it must be somewhere between cat with eyes literally dripping out and flayed human. She could practically feel him frown at the pieces of her shattered helmet that were digging into her skin deep enough that Jaslyn was sure it would take a steady hand, a lot of antiseptic and at least an hour to get them out again. And even then they were pretty likely to scar at least a little.

Fuck Bruce. Had she already mentioned that? Well, you could never say that too much, anyway. So, y’know, fuck Bruce. A lot. Preferably with a chainsaw, because not human being should have to ever fuck Bruce. Cheers to Selina, lady had definitely made the right decision. Ran as long as she still could and it really wasn’t her fault that it drove the old asshole crazy enough to beat her to a pulp for shooting Cobblepot non-lethaly in the face while Kate got a freaking _fair trial_ for actually killing something.

Jaslyn was really sure she had said that already, repeatedly, but still. Fuck Bruce.

“Jaybird?” Roy sounded hesitant, like he had tried before and she hadn’t reacted. Which wasn’t all that unlikely, considering she had been off to fuck-Bruce-with-a-chainsaw-daydream-wonderland for the past couple of minutes. “Hey, Jay. You still with me.” His voice was unusually soft and cautious and it grated on Jaslyn’s already strained nerves.

"Not that pretty anymore, am I?” It was a shitty attempt at lightening the mood and Roy’s forced but too sweet smile – why did everything he had to give her have to be too damned soft and gentle and sweet – were proof of that.

“Nah, I don’t know about that.” He tilted her head a little and the pressure was soft enough that she wouldn’t have moved an inch hadn’t she done it out of her own volition. “Still look pretty enticing to me.” His hand brushed against her hair like it might fall out if he really touched it and Jaslyn had to control herself not to rip off his hand instead. If she didn’t know the archer would feel pretty damn useless without it, she just might have.  
“I’m not made of sugar, Roy”, she gritted out, looking up at him with her jaw clenched tight. “Stop treating me like I am.”  
“Well, then stop leaving me hanging when I ask if you think you might have a concussion, how about that.” Roy almost spit the words out and just like that, Jaslyn was reminded of why they had broken up. They used to get along so well and then suddenly they didn’t and it made Jaslyn want to tear her hair out that she still didn’t have a clue why, what happened, and that, at least, hadn’t changed.

“Just fuck off. I can take care of it myself.” She turned her head away and waited for the sound of retreating feet, but the only thing she got was a disbelieving scoff.  
“Yeah, sure”, Roy scoffed, “like hell am I leaving you like this.” Jaslyn wasn’t a hundred percent sure if it was relief or being offended by her opinion just being brushed off that made her heart jump in her chest.

“I don’t want your help, Harper, so go shove it up your ass.”

“Well, too bad, because you are getting it anyway. I’m not leaving you to stitch up your fucking face on your own, Jaslyn! You should know that.” He sounded really aggrevated now; the kind of pissed off he only got when someone fucked up big time, and Jaslyn kind of wanted to turn around and look for herself how bad it really was, but her pride kept her from even glancing in his direction – not that she was above cheating on herself with quick peeks out of the corner of her eye.

“God, why do you have to baby me like this! Why can’t you just leave me alone like everyone else does and let me handle it by myself! I don’t need adult supervision, I – “

“Because I care!” Roy almost shouted the words and Jaslyn almost flinched. Almost. Instead, she wiped around and looked at him with angry eyes that sparkled with something she would pretend until the end of days was fury, not tears.  
“Then stop! Everyone else seems to have such an easy time doing that, why not you, too!”

“Because I love you, you big shithead, and you don’t just give up on the people you love!” Something bitter and hurt flashed over his face before being replaced by anger again. “Even if you don’t feel the same, I’m not just going to leave you hanging when you need me, Jaslyn. You should know that by now.”  
Jaslyn knew she was gaping, but she couldn’t really bring herself to stop, either.

“ _I_ stopped? You are the one that broke up with me!” She had to sound like an indignant three-year-old, but she really couldn’t care less at the moment. As if that mess had been her fault!

“Well, _you_ were the one that said everything between us didn’t really mean anything to you anyway!”  
“After _you_ broke up with me! What was I supposed to do? Beg you to come back? I actually have more dignity left than that and if I ever don’t, please shoot me in the head before I can sink that low!” Roy had already started shouting while she was still speaking and Jaslyn just barely made out “Only because _you_ didn’t love me anymore!” and almost gasped for breath offended – you know, like she would have if she was a rich old lady with a stick up her arse from some old wannabe-classic. As it is, she stayed the cool, collected person she had always been and almost bit his head off instead.

“Says who!”

“You would barely look at me anymore”, Roy cried out and Jaslyn was about two accusations away from jumping to her feet to challenge him to a fight right then and there. The only thing keeping her from doing exactly that so far was the fact that she was pretty sure she would just double over in pain before she could do more than straighten her spine.

“Because we were fighting! I thought you don’t give up on people you love because of some stupid _fight_!” Roy was now openly gaping at her before he clenched his jaw and carefully pushed air out from between his gritted teeth.

“Don’t start acting like you weren’t planning on dropping me anyway. Don’t you dare trying to act like I was the one throwing us away just like that.” He might have actually sounded dangerous to someone who hadn’t seen him walk around in only oversized t-shirts with holes and boxers, swinging around a flat on socked feet and sparkling, slippery tiles.

“I didn’t!”, Jaslyn screamed back and she could only imagine how red her face had to be right now. She was panting and her ribs were protesting that very much while a steady headache was beginning to pulse behind her eyes, letting the room fade to black every few seconds. “ _You. Left. Me!”_

“I heard you talk to Dick about us not being able to carry on like that! About breaking it up before it got too bad so stop pretending you were ready to try! All I did was ending it before you could and your stupid ego apparently just can’t take that! You would have dropped me anyway!”

“I wouldn’t!” He looked like he was about to interfere again, so Jaslyn slapped her hand above his mouth with enough force that there was a smacking noise. She winces a little at the pain tugging at her shoulder while Roy made a protesting noise behind her palm. She only clenched her fingers and pressed his lips together tighter. “I was talking about the fight, you asshole! I was talking about breaking up the fight! And I loved you and you just _left me_!”

Jaslyn was pretty sure that she couldn’t write off her tears as anything but that anymore when they started dripping down her cheeks and she hastily let go of Roy’s face to grab a tissue and start rubbing it over her face roughly. If it happened to obscure her tears from the archer, good. If it also just so happened to push the shards in deeper and the added physical pain helped distract her from the mental one, even better.

“You – what?” Roy sounded lost and Jaslyn could really relate to that at the moment. She had just said things she had never meant to admit to anyone. Not even Roy. _Especially_ not Roy. Because now he would be looking at her with pity and if there was one thing Jaslyn hated more than anything, it was being pitied. As it was, she couldn’t really change it anymore anyway. So she just heaved a sigh and dropped the blood-stained tissue to start plucking bright red, slippery shards from her skin.

“Just fuck off, Roy.” It came out way less venomous than she had intended. She had also meant to call him Harper, but her stupid, still kind of love-struck brain wasn’t really keeping up with that plan. She was just working on a particularly big shard, when a big, calloused hand grabbed hers and pulled it away, to work on the spot itself. The second hand joined soon and held her face steady while Roy went about cleaning her skin of pieces of her fucked up past. He hummed a little and brought his face closer to get a better look at the mess of blood and torn flesh. Jaslyn’s heart still sped up a little when his warm breath blew gently across her face and she cursed the useless little thing silently. Couldn’t keep beating when she wanted it to, couldn’t stop when she’s had enough and couldn’t even stay steady. What was it even good for?  
“I don’t think so, Jaybird.” His eyes flicked to hers briefly before returning to his task, as if he was checking her reaction to the nickname. Jaslyn almost snorted at the thought. It wasn’t like he had stopped when Jaslyn hadn’t wanted it and had threatened him with taking his trachea if he kept using it, so she guessed she could be forgiven for not really having any faith in him ever stopping using it. “We will definitely talk about this. But maybe when you look like you aren’t about to pass out on me when you take another breath too sudden.” Jaslyn had half the mind to push his hand away, but in the end decided against it. Contrary to popular opinion, she didn’t really want any more extensive scars than was strictly necessary. Especially not in the face – the slash across her throat had really brought up enough questions (and wasn’t it funny in a fucked-up way that all her not-hideable scars where put there by Bruce, like he wanted the world to see how much his daughter deserved being beaten).

“Already told you I’m not some fancy porcelain doll.” Now she really sounded like a pouting toddler. Roy only smiled, though, and pushed her hair back to get to the scraps and shards there.

And if Jaslyn continued to lean more and more into his touch while he finished up on her face and prodded at her swollen eye and hurting jaw and checked for a concussion and any internal damage around her broken and bruised ribs and wrapped up her burning leg and all her other bruises and scratches, well. No one there to tattle on her.

And if she felt lips and a scratchy chin brush her temple when she was pretending to already be asleep in Roy’s bed, hogging all his space and blankets and ultimately banning him to a couch way too small for either of them, well. She wasn’t about to tattle on him, either.


End file.
